I grew up with two older brothers, so if there is anything that I know about being a kid, it’s that;
- You’re gonna have a lot of peanut butter sandwiches.
- You’re gonna be a pain in the ass to your parents.
One thing that my mom would always exclaim when she felt like she was being outnumbered by us, the vicious children that she bore, was, “Oh now we have to hear from the peanut gallery,” or “Here’s the peanut gallery.”
For those of you who don’t know what a ‘peanut gallery’ means, it is essentially the people who aren’t doing anything but are criticizing everyone and everything else. So my mom would use this term quite often when me and my two brothers would begin to pick on her for something silly.
She had said something to that same tune recently and It got me thinking. We need some high class but low brow peanut butter. Now you may be asking yourself, why should I skippy the jif for this new peanut butter you’re talking about? Well I’ll tell you.
It looks fancy. You wont have to worry about people wandering into your cabinets at night and taking a spoonful of your delicious The Peanut Gallery Organic Peanut Butter. They’ll take one look at the packaging and be like, “Whoa, Jimmy’s got some pretty fancy looking peanut butter, I better not eat that.”
It tastes great. It probably tastes like every other peanut better you’ve ever eaten, but let’s pretend that one giant corporation doesn’t own everything ever.
It mocks you. On the back of every jar it will have a quip that will make you question why you still buy a peanut butter that criticizes your life choices. God, my unemployment is not a phase peanut butter.
It has variety. It may say The Peanut Gallery, but that’s just because The Almond Gallery makes zero sense, geez, what’s wrong with you?
Why just stop at peanut butter and nut related products? What’s one of the worst things you can do after you brush your teeth? Eat peanut butter. So why not make toothpaste that is peanut butter flavored? Never make the mistake again.
Stay tuned tomorrow, for part 2, where we will dive into the wonderful world of pharmaceutical drugs.