“Excuse me !” “Sorry !” “I said EXCUSE ME !”
Good food, great fashion, amazing party scene… Leaving in New York City comes with a tremendous amount of perps. One thing could potentially ruin your experience though, if you can’t identify it and develop a defensive attitude. I’m talking about the bad walker. This guy in front of you on 42nd street, slowing and stopping, making you trip and loose your calm, when you have to be downtown in 15 min for a yoga class which might be the only way (at this point) to stay mentally stable in this insane city !
The bad walker is to New York what traffic is to LA or dog poop is to Paris. It makes you feel sorry for human kind – as well as yell, break things and punch stuff…
Because there’s no way you’re going to escape it, you might as well learn to identify them, and run away, as fast as you can (at least until another one stops you).
1. The texter
He’s probably the most well known. Always on his phone, he’s for sure debriefing last night with his friends in a group text, paying no attention what so ever to his surrounding. The texter can see things (or people… Or YOU !) at the very last second. He might try to avoid crashing into you when you’re coming from the opposite way, but nothing is less certain ! The risk with a texter is for him to get mad at you because he broke the screen of his iPhone after running into you. Don’t play this game ! Look his phone on the floor and don’t stop walking. He was the one texting !! If you want to be extra nice, you can say “oh no !” with a light smile on your face – to make him understand that you were well educated, while also making sure that you don’t care about his phone.
2. The stopper
The stopper stops. Chocker ! It doesn’t matter if he’s walking in front of you or coming from the opposite direction, this profile might be the most annoying one. It’s also the one that makes the less sense, and the most embarrassing for humanity. WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ? There’s absolutely no reason to stop when you are walking in the street. If you desperately need to take a break, tie your shoe or take something out of your bag, the rule is to get closer to a wall (making sure your not blocking a door) and do what you have to do. But please, PLEASE, do not stop ! The worst type of stopper can be found at the top of the stairs of a subway stop. If the stopper thinks it’s ok to take a break to think about where he’s going, or look at Google map, remember IT’S NOT. In this case only it’s ok for you to pretend he doesn’t exist and push him. I’m not promoting violence here, and the goal is not to hurt him. Only for you to get going. Make sure he notices that you’re annoyed without getting in trouble.
3. The slower
A slower is an undeveloped form of stopper. Stage one, if you will. As annoying as his older brother, the slower can have an excuse. It’s ok to walk slowly of you broke your leg or if you’re over 70 years old. Any other reason is invalid. Even if you can’t walk as fast as the crowd he’s surrounded by, the slower is extremely annoying. It’s Manhattan, you don’t have time to wait for people, because you’re extremely busy and you are secretly wishing your days were twice as long. The slower should know better and walk the closer possible to the road (so you can pass him). If he doesn’t, make noise with your feet or breath extremely heavenly so he notices you and let you pass him. If he doesn’t react, you’re allowed to tap his shoulder and tell him to get out of your way.
4. The slalomer
The slalomer is my personal least favorite. He walks a decent speed but occupies all the sidewalk. As a result, you can’t pass him, and you have to slalom as well to try to get in front of him. It gives you this embarrassing walk that makes you look retarded. It’s embarrassing for your soul, you’re pissed. Same technic has to be used. (Cf slower).
5. The brochetters
Last but not least, the brochetters. It’s probably the worst because it’s basically a group of bad walker. They are occupying the totality of the sidewalk, waking in a line. Because it’s such a behavior is SO stupid you’re allowed to yell, because sometimes yelling feels good.
Again, they’re no solution to this typical Manhattan issue but to get over it. To do so, Xanax and meditation might be the best way. Good luck !